At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
