Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
