it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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