apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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