When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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