Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
