just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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