You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
