Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
