the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
