last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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