i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
