If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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