If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
