i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
