I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Less talking, more tequila
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
