Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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