I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize