I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
