and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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