This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
