I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
handjob tips. give me some.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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