TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
