What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You can't special order awesome
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
