The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
