really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
