You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
