im drinking this country out of the recession.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
