I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
