i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize