You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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