My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
