He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
