Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
