In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found your dick twin last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
