coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
