He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize