i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
