I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize