i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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