I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
