even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
