lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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