Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
