just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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