I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
