WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize