i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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