we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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