he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
