Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
