Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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