Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize