I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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