i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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