If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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