mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
