i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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