theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
