Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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