I seem to have left my pride at pride
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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