At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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