my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
