I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
