if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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