just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
