So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
