Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
