How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
