I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
