peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
