The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pants are for mortals
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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