Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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