I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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