i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Randomize
