508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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