How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
